Emotions are a crazy thing. The past week has been an emotional roller coaster. All morning and afternoon Monday I was thinking about my time spent at the University of Kentucky. So much of those two years I was depressed. Clinically depressed. Despite being on medication, I didn't want to get out of bed in the mornings, and the things I used to take interest in no longer gave me any joy. It was quite honestly the darkest, lowest two years of my life. However, thinking back, I don't recall any specific instances of wanting to end it; I just wanted to sleep all the time. The people and things in my life that kept me from having any suicidal thoughts were the ones that I can't thank enough, even if they never know how much they kept me going. The close friends I had at Kentucky kept me going from day-to-day from ice cream trips, watching tv shows together, and our coffee trips before Friday meetings. Of course my family, especially my sweet nephew; I couldn't imagine not being in his life. He and I have a special bond that I can't put into words - it's like the boy has part of my soul. Dance was the other that kept me going, specifically UK Dance Ensemble; it gave me an outlet to express the thoughts that I couldn't even put into words when I tried. Dance has been one of the most powerful tools in my life; something that has changed me for the better. It's no surprise that I want to spend my life sharing this amazing art with anyone and everyone willing to learn. It was during this time that I realized just how ignorant so many people are about mental illness. I realize that it's far more common that people know, but the one's that haven't experienced it have no idea just how devastating it can be.
Anyways, Monday evening when I learned of Robin Williams' suicide, I was in shock. Not only was it heartbreaking to lose someone that makes so many people laugh, and appeared to be so happy, but the way he left us was even more heartbreaking. His death is a perfect example of how people can put up a smile while they're crying on the inside. I'm hopeful that it will help the general public become a little more open-minded to the severity and frequency of mental illness. Never judge a book by its cover.
I'm forever thankful for the people that helped me through my darkest of times, and the ones that continue to support me today.
